


parfois je me plant entre l’ami et l’amant

by NaomiLeyers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fluff, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 02:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15062807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaomiLeyers/pseuds/NaomiLeyers
Summary: in which Bucky is dealing with the world around and Tony Stark just wants to please his fans





	parfois je me plant entre l’ami et l’amant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roe87](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roe87/gifts).



> nothing belongs to me except fluff, all mistakes are my own and the title is from Amir’s Les Rues De Ma Peine

21\. century is funny.

No, scratch that, 21. century is scary as hell and not only because Bucky doesn’t remember most of the century that lead to it. 21. century is full of new weapons, new crazy monsters that almost make him miss the Nazis from time to time, because really, aliens are definitely above his paycheck. 21. century means that, when he walks into a shop, he pays more for groceries than he once would for a flat.

Not that he remembers much from his previous life to be honest.

But, 21. century has the Internet and somehow he feels somewhat less like one of the monsters that Steve kills on a daily basis and more like a human after having watched hours of videos of fluffy kittens. 

Also, Bucky has always been curious and he is tired and Steve’s on a mission and that’s why Bucky curls up on his bed with Steve’s laptop (everything in the flat is Steve’s since while Bucky Barnes does have a bank account and maybe even some money in it, Bucky Barnes died in 1945 and admitting he didn’t would also mean admitting all of Winter Soldier mess and Bucky will never, ever, ever put himself in front of the cameras and tell the world how they used him as a weapon against Steve. He has caused Steve enough pain until now and maybe he doesn’t remember how to decide for himself or what was once his favorite meal or color, but he knows, simply knows, that he would die before hurting Steve again.) and carefully types James Barnes into the Starknet. 

The first few results are articles on Wikipedia and other pages, short, nice and describing him as a war hero (which he isn’t), but then-

But then.

He nearly chokes on nothing when he sees a page titled James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers. He nearly chokes again when he opens the page (because he is weak and stupid and absolutely not in love with his best friend since 1933) and finds stories. 33752 stories for that matter. 

The thing is, the old Bucky would probably close the page, because he knows how much Steve values his privacy and how much he misses not being world-famous Captain America.

The new Bucky, however, is alone in the flat and can always delete the searching history and the thought of James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers makes him flush and think of things he had forbidden himself to think of.

He skims through the titles and summaries, opens couple of the interestingly sounding ones in new tabs and buries himself into reading.

Couple of hours later his hands are trembling, his eyes hurt and he’s blinking rapidly when his imaginary version gets engaged to Steve’s imaginary version. 

 

Steve returns from his (unsurprisingly successful) mission the next morning and Bucky hugs him for a moment. Bucky hugs him and Steve remains standing without even breathing before gently putting his hands on Bucky’s shoulders because things tend to go to hell if Steve unexpectedly reciprocates. There is still a hole in the wall in the living room from the last time Steve tried to hug Bucky and not vice versa.

Bucky rests his head on Steve’s shoulder for a few seconds, breaths in and hates his stupid brain for not cooperating properly. 

Then he says “You know I am the only mission where you didn’t succeed immediately, don’t you?!” and Steve lets out something between a laugh and a cry and goes make them breakfast.

 

A week or so later Bucky clicks on Images, mostly because he apparently hates himself.

He stares at them for a moment, watches the un-fucked-up pictures of himself and Steve in different stages of hugs (and other things, because clearly he really wants to torture himself). 

Except that suddenly he notices one of the pictures and- 

And.

Bucky recognizes that style. Bucky would recognize that style anywhere now that Hydra is not playing with destroying his memories anymore and maybe the America knows Steve Rogers’ fighting style by heart but Bucky Barnes also knows Steve Rogers’ drawing style by heart and he stares at the picture on himself and Steve, curled up on an old sofa, too old for this century, or better, the picture of Steve sitting at the sofa and Bucky lying on it with his head resting on Steve’s lap and Steve’s hand in his hair and there is just something about the picture that literally screams emotions. 

Bucky’s hands are trembling strongly enough that he almost drops the laptop as he clicks on the user’s name (stucky4ever66669). He scrolls through the pictures, or better, he slowly, very, very slowly scrolls through the pictures, staring minutes at every one. Most are just him, in different stages of nakedness, sometimes, sometimes simply wearing different kinds of clothes, but there are some of both of them too, Steve holding him, the two of them hugging and there is even one with Bucky tied up to the bed, his head thrown back in pleasure and Steve’s hands on his body and maybe Bucky gets hard just from seeing the picture but he is still going to fucking kill Steve.

 

Steve is sitting in the living room with Stark and fine, Bucky would prefer privacy but like hell he’s going to wait until Stark leaves. He kind of wishes that he had the original paintings, because it would be more dramatic, but when he slams the laptop in front of Steve it is dramatic enough.

“Buck, what-“ Steve stammers but Bucky doesn’t even let him finish.

“You know,” he says (shouts) “if you wanted to fuck me, you could’ve told me instead of drawing smut about you tying me to bed! Do you think I would say no? Do you seriously think that there was a moment in my fucking life when I didn’t want you? Except that maybe I wanted to fucking hear it from you and not find naked pictures of me drawn by you!”

Steve stares at the pictures, then back at Bucky.

“No,” he says.

“No what? No, you do not want to fuck me? No, you didn’t draw these? Because let me tell you, I don’t remember what color my mother’s eyes were but I remember the way you draw, alright?”

Steve stands up and now he is a small tiny bit taller than Bucky, but for once it is not threatening and he looks pained and apologetic.

“No, I don’t want to fuck you, Bucky,” he says, “I want to hold you and I want to take you out for dinners and lunches and I want to make you breakfasts in bed and I want to go to movies with you and make out in the back rows and I want to take you to galleries and I want to show you everything beautiful that we both missed and I want to make love with you. I have always wanted that. And I didn’t tell you, because I wasn’t sure if you- and I didn’t want to overwhelm you, or make you think that I saved you because I expect something back, because I don’t. I want all of those things but most importantly, I want you to be in my life. In any way you’ll have me. And I did draw those but I never uploaded them online, I never would do something like that, not without you saying I can.”

“Then how come are they online?” Bucky asks (one thing at time, Barnes, brilliant). 

“I was feeling generous,” Tony Stark says and Bucky has forgotten about him but now he and Steve turn to him and they both must look very angry because Stark looks slightly nervous. “You know, I found him drawing those every time when he had chance and they are really good and I don’t know if you know that but you guys have fans. So I thought they could use some of those pictures. Please don’t kill me Rogers. ” 

“If one of us kills you, it’ll be Bucky,” Steve says and god, he sounds tired and sad and fucking ashamed and Bucky hates hearing Steve tired and sad and ashamed. 

“I won’t kill him, Steve,” he says, “he is the reason I am here with you now. If I were him, however, I would be leaving. Really fast.” 

Stark nods, quickly.

“If I were him, I would also consider making us and all the Avengers a dinner. Homemade, Stark.”

Tony smiles at him, faintly.

“Really?” 

Bucky shrugs.

“I’m exhausted of killing people,” he tells Stark, “And I haven’t had homemade dinner for actual decades.”

“Deal.”

When Stark leaves, Bucky turns back to Steve, who is still standing and still staring at the laptop. Bucky walks to him and touches Steve’s left hand with his right, intertwining their fingers and making Steve look at him.

“Did you mean it?” he asks.

Steve smiles at him, pained.

“That I want you? Bucky, I have been wanting you since I was old enough to know what ’want ’ means. I love you Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky sighs.

“What if there isn’t enough of Bucky Barnes anymore?”

Steve slowly raises his right hand and gently touches Bucky’s cheek and god, it feels warm and real and Bucky will never have enough of that touch.

“You are Bucky Barnes. With or without war, with or without memories, you are Bucky Barnes. And I want every single one of you.”

Bucky is fairly sure that he is crying and his next words come out strangled but they do come out.

“I love you, Steve. I don’t remember most of the things but I just know I do. I remember loving you. And even if I didn’t, in the last months I would have fallen in love with you all over again.”

Steve smiles and he is blushing and his eyes are wet too, but Bucky is past giving fuck about what the public would say.

“So are you telling me, Mister Barnes, that if I kissed you, you wouldn’t hit me?”

Bucky returns the smile.

“I’m telling you, Mister Rogers, that I might even reciprocate.”

And then Steve is kissing him, deep and soothing and warm and passionate and gentle and real, oh god, so real and it is better than Bucky thought it would be and he returns the kiss and opens his mouth and invites Steve in and Steve’s hands go to Bucky’s waist and for once he doesn’t want to escape.

When they part, they are both breathing hard and Bucky’s jeans are getting uncomfortable and he feels like he is ready to try everything with Steve that Steve named before, but right now-

Right now, he presses close to Steve until there isn’t a centimeter square of space between them and whispers “I really love those pictures.” and Steve laughs, relieved and maybe it is not perfect- at some point Bucky will have to admit how he found out those pictures, but he has a feeling Steve won’t mind (he won’t and they might even take inspiration from some of the stories) and they both still have nightmares and maybe things will never be the way they could have been- but somehow they both made it out alive and they have a whole lifetime in front of them and maybe that’s enough.

 

THE END


End file.
